Find balance
With a close friend, you should be able to share both the highs and the lows. By sharing our problems, we welcome the other person into our inner world, shed light on our fears and worries, and have the chance to ask for support (as well as offer it). Therefore, a balance is important: if you notice that either of you is avoiding certain topics, be that happy moments or troubles, it can be good to talk about it.
For example, you can say: “It seems like you are hesitant to share your problems with me, and it’s important for me to be able to support you whenever I can. Is there something that you’d like to share, but for some reason you don’t? Could we talk about it?”
Antonina Fedorova. Photo courtesy of the subject
Discuss any misunderstandings openly
We are often afraid to offend our friends and damage our relationship by mentioning something that upset us, but it’s actually such discussions that bring us closer. This is your chance to finally tell your friend that you don’t really like going to the movies and prefer spending time at home, or explain that some of their comments about your appearance make you uncomfortable. The key to initiating these conversations lies in the so-called I-statements: you state a fact, how you feel about it, and a request.
For example: “When you say that my hair is like hay, I feel insulted. Could you please not talk this way about my hair?”
Mention the things you enjoy in your friendship
Just as important as discussing difficulties is talking about the aspects of your relationship that you enjoy. This way, you get closer to your friend and encourage a certain atmosphere in your relationship.
For instance, you can say: “I am happy that when we talk, you really hear what I say and ask questions; I can feel that I am important to you. I am really grateful for your interest and I cherish the fact that you care about my thoughts and feelings.”
Follow up on your promises and make amends if you break them
We often make promises with our friends: to meet at a certain time, to text each other, or to help with something. It’s important to maintain these agreements to make your friendship stronger; otherwise, when you break your promise, it may lead your friend to think that they are not as important to you. That’s why if you have to change your plans and can no longer fulfil an agreement, inform your friend in advance and apologize. And if it’s the case of cancelling a meeting, it’s better to suggest another one instead to demonstrate your interest in your friend:
“Hi! I am sorry, I know we’ve arranged to meet at 8 today, but I can’t make it, unfortunately, because some work came up. Could we meet at 7 tomorrow or at 6 on Wednesday?”
Keep getting to know the other person
You can see a different side to your friend by doing new activities together. It can be a conversation card game with atypical questions, or even a visit to the museum or the theater. Shared new experiences bring you closer and offer room for discussion.
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See each other regularly
Our relationships grow deeper if we see each other more often: we talk more, share more, and have more opportunities to offer our support. In our hectic lives, it can get harder to see your friends as often as you’d like, but it’s important to at least keep your meetings regular. You might find that once a week or once a month works for you, but you should both know when you’ll meet and thus can look forward to it. For long-distance friendships, it would mean scheduling regular voice or video calls and making space for them in your schedule.
If you are finding it hard to make friends or adjust to the new surroundings while studying abroad, explore this article for help from our experts.
