Student 1: 

The first few days were very tough for me. I was homesick and lonely. The language barrier made it even more difficult for me to interact with people or make friends. I struggled to do some of the important tasks, such as opening a bank account, extending my visa, and buying goods. This experience left me immensely dejected and soon I found myself regretting my decision of studying abroad. Although I have settled down a bit more now, I still am neither confident nor happy. What should I do to get over this?

Therapist’s advice: 

We can imagine how hard it must feel to be in this situation. In this message, we can see a need for communication and support – these are important to address. For instance, you can try joining communities for international students in Russia or St. Petersburg, joining student clubs, language courses, or other similar organizations. Being a part of a community can give you support during such times. 

Student 2:

I love research and was excited to start working in one of the labs. But the selection procedure left me shaken on the first day. No one paid any attention to me. I felt like a stranger. When I tried to introduce myself to my lab mates, I noticed a lack of interest in them. I ended up questioning whether I am worthy or skillful enough to work with others. A thought crept into my mind that maybe the educational standards in my country are not up to the level required here. But then, I want to do well, too. I ended up being confused, not having any concrete plans of action.

Therapist’s advice: 

Unfortunately, we cannot control the reactions of others. Although it can sometimes seem that we determine their opinions of us, it is not actually true – the way we are seen by others is influenced by many things. Other people's reactions are their own. Sometimes, as a form of psychological defense, we explain them with our incompetence; however, it’s better to remember about your footing: you do have the qualities, skills, and knowledge that you need for the job, that you yourself value. There’s bound to be quite a few of them.

Student 3: 

I am very embarrassed about my pronunciation and accent. It is different from others and often sounds weird when I try to speak Russian. I have also noticed a few people laughing at the way I sound. I have tried practicing, but I think it will take time. Such situations have had an impact on my mental health and it’s hard for me to speak up. But this is hurting my studies and my ambitions of excelling in this new country. How can I find the best way to deal with this feeling?

Therapist’s advice: 

In this case, try using a counter-intuitive approach: tell people about your accent yourself, once you meet them (“Hi, my name is … and I have a terrible accent. I hope I can improve it soon!”). Treat your accent kindly – you do have it, after all. All of the negative reactions and laughter cause a lot of shame, which comes from a fear of rejection. Face this fear bravely by saying that you are aware of the way you sound. Spoiler: sometimes, this tactic will help you to not only avoid judgment but also get compliments on your pronunciation (“Oh, your accent isn’t that bad at all!”). Good luck on your language-learning journey!

The feelings described by students in all three cases are understandable. We all can experience difficulties when moving to a new place or starting a new job. 

It’s important to remember that these feelings are temporary; they won’t last forever, and you will feel better. Another important detail to keep in mind is that adaptation is not about passively waiting for things to change. There are also things that we can have an impact on: 

1. Get closer with just one person. Make the first step. Sometimes the people you’d like to get to know can be shy, too – maybe because they don’t speak your native language or another language you can communicate in, so they are not sure how to proceed. 
2. Explore the university’s club system and look for communities/organizations in the city where you can chat with people from your home country or in your language (e.g., InterNations or St. Petersburg International Women’s Club). ITMO also has plenty of clubs where you can, for example, learn to dance or sing – or play games and sports. In all these things, language is much less important.
3. Try to find your compatriots from other St. Petersburg universities on social media. 
4. Evaluate your competencies objectively. If you have strengths, others will see them, too. 
5. Be patient. Soon, you will see things in a new light, make new friends, and gain a better understanding of the surrounding culture.